Freedom comes when you learn to let go. Creation comes when you learn to say no. I know we could live tomorrow, but I know I live today and I don’t think we should wait. You’re my lesson I had to learn, now there’s nothing left to lose. Let it burn.
Today I´ve cried a dozen times, even almost in school in front of my two best friends but I choked the feelings so only 2 tears fell down from my eyes. But this last hours maybe 2000 tears have falled from my cheeks and still am forced to study at the same time! Ther’es wounds and scars deep inside me. Easy huh? A living hell! Anyway, I´ve now structured my thoughts a bit and I think I know why he acting the way he does:
1. He don’t want to hurt me in any way because he thinks I´m cute etc.
2. He is unsure of what to do because he don’t feel the way I do so he is taking it easy.
3. Still, he don’t want to let me go because he don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, the time goes by quickly.
But I know one resolution which may heal my pain, and that is to: never contact to him again. Goodbye my number one guy, that was the most special one I´ve ever met. I don’t want to love anyone else again, it hurts too much, the pain is predominant while the delightful feelings are too small to count in... I just can’t find it worth it. Now I don’t want to ever love again, so I´ll push away anyone that will try to come near me in a "lovematter" because I´ve given up this lovefight, the one I really wanted so badly like this was him! But we ain’t ment to be together.
This is not the first time, it’s a row in many times that I´ve become sad like this and I can’t take it anymore. I´ll try to shut down my emotions and just pretend everything is fine untill it is. It seems that a life without "love between partners" is the life I´m aimed to live - then let it be. I won’t love anyone again. Okey if something fun and good would´ve came out of it in the first place, kisses and meaningful meetings, great lovefeelings, but NO, everything is going wrong for me so I don’t wanna’ be a part of the human race. I´ve met three type of boys:
1. The ones that playing with girls like toys
2. The ones that want somebody and doing anything for her but can’t get her because he is not "good enough".
3. The ones that can have a relationship and is so nice that they almost can "choose" their girlfriend. But these ones are very rare and often leaves you brokenhearted. (Snyggó is this type of guy)!
I need everything and everyone to leave me alone so I can have some peace on my own... and when I araise, I will be icecold to protect myself from being hurt like this ever again(!) GOODBYE !
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