A living hell

It’s never a right time to say goodbye.

Today I told my father about my plans : that I won’t study Physics B and Math E. I felt like an idiot, standing infront of him and my mother. I was throwing away all our time together when my dad helped me with Physics B the spring term - in the blink of an eye ... I´ve done 50points out of 150 and he helped me so much... but still I only reached the grade C,  (godkänt) barely! He was the last to know about my plans with working next year if I would need to study Physics B. And here’s his answer:"

He : - " That’s ok and no problem at all. . . If you don’t wanna’ study them courses - then that’s fine... What do you want me to say? Do what you have to. You don’t have to study Physics B and math E it if you don’t want to because if I would´ve pushed you - you maybe wouldn´t do any well and I don’t want to be responsible for that because that would make me feel bad".

Me : - "It’s just that ... I´ll loose ONE WHOLE YEAR, but I thought maybe I could work and take the driving licence and then study Physics B in case I need that. But I feel bad for missing one entire year..."

I started get emotional because there’s lying so much pressure underneath this decision so then some tears fell from my cheeks and I felt more silly than ever!

He : - " Missing one year is nothing! It’s okey, I mean this is not worth your tears! Study what you want, everything is gonna’ be allright..."

Then he gave me a hug. I was accepted but still I felt rather empty inside. Suddenly a noxious feeling started to spread inside of my body because there - infront of me - I could see something dark appear. My parents left a huge box of disappointment lying on the floor, for me to carry.