Stuck in reverse!

The only happiness in life is to love and be loved

Oas! En vattenkälla i öknen dyker upp mitt i det kala och mörka intet av falska människor och ett inrutat arbetsliv som omger det sköna och ljusa paradiset. Soltrålar träffar gröna exotiska växter som frodas - detta är en plats för kärleken. Blommor i alla regnbågens färger blomstar och doftar förföriskt. Jag och Han tar oss i extas ut ur en bil. Vi ser bara varandra. Fötterna är bara och springer lätt och nätt på den varma finkorniga sanden så att det stänker om de små kornen - skratt hörs från oss och ögonen tindrar som diamanter. När vi ser på varandra, möts våra själar i tid och rum. Kropparna är starka och fullt vitala, utan de minsta rykorna. Ingen smärta existerar, endast lustfyllda och fullständigt glada känslor. Vårt hår är solkysst och huden gyllebrun. Mina läppar smakar söt frukt och min kropp glittrar av små saltkristaller. Med glimten i de vilda men vänliga ögonen och en gudakropp - ger han mig en adrenalinkick och lyckorus av hans heta närvaro. Genom våra unga ådror pumpar det kära hjärtat fram förälskelsens ljuva drog. Två passande pusselbitar har funnit varandra - endast vi hör ihop och med oss enskillt inga andra! Det här förtrollande ögonblicket sparas i sinnet förevigt - inprintas bakom ögonlocken som en film eller bild att ta fram som ett fantastiskt underbart minne senare och fortfarande kunna njuta av då jag är 100 år gammal. Jag kan inte låta bli att lekfullt skvätta lite sand på honom och följden av detta blir att han bjuder mig på sitt bredaste, mest glänsande, varma och vita leende som ingen annan innehar i hela universum. Han kommer närmare mig och...

min telefon ringer. Damn. Kunde jag inte fått drömma klart denna vackra dröm?

Oh, you’re way to handsome boy, that’s why it’ll never work. You’ll have me suicidal, suicidal. When you ain’t feel for me like I do for you. But I know that there’s nothing more I can do - and I would never force you, ma Boo. Therefore I just hope you’ll have a nice life even though I´m sure you would have it much better with me by your side.

August 2006 was the first time I met you - since back then I´ve been infatuated. When I saw you - my heart started to pound. You were always such a gentleman! I love guys like that but they are extremely rare to find! When I was with you - I felt like there’s nowhere in the world I´d rather be. I glanced at you timidly and even if I tried to hide that I was shy - I could barley speek from the beginning because you had such an great inpact on me and I felt that it was kind of a hopeless situation. But I learned to stay cool and through this year I´ve grown so much that I now am able to take more contact - which is a big progress for me. I took your "msn" and we talked a couple of times but you didn’t wanna’ know so much about me as I wanted to know about you, it at least seemed like that. You sure melted me down even more with your sweet sweet words like: "darling, hun, babe and goodnight kiss on the nose". So you must have liked me somehow or I´m totoally fooled ...

I tried so hard - but if you ain’t got the key to one’s heart you won’t get there... He sure unlocked and opened mine easily - which he maybe felt vibes of but he don’t know how much I really adore him because that’s something too deep to say in words. Even if I gave him a lot of compliments and did my best, I didn’t get so far that I could meet him one on one, and I have chanses to try again (he is often online), but I don’t wanna be obstinate. He now feels like a distant star. I´m thinking about him every day and every night - even if I don’t want to because I know that I´m only hurting myself. However this is not healty because I´m just commiting a psychological suicide - I can’t help it.

It felt so right that partynight when we stood close to eatch other. You were holding my hand and it was the most magical moment of my life. Why did you grab my hand and touched it so soft like you did? I´ll never forget that moment. One hug and a cheekkiss - then you were gone. It was certainly a real goodbye because now I´m not sure I´ll ever see you again and it torns my heart apart. Tears falling down from my cute face even if I know it’s meaningless. You gave me hope, but not enough. Why can’t you see that we are ment to be? There’s no other for me as I now can see - but billions of potential others which you can have instantly. Please baby, I just really don’t want to miss you my whole life so "take me" now! Or I must forget you so I don’t waste my valuable time on something that won’t happen.

"Won’t you kiss me on that midnightstreet - sweep me off my feet..."

It hurts so bad, I can’t sleep. I hate this </3

The biggest question is : HOW DO A GIRL HAVE TO BE LIKE (outside/inside) TO GET HIM? I quess I’ll never find out but...

there can be miracles - when you believe.